Sometimes you say real things that didn't come from you. But they were written for a reason, so you'd visit them when they really meant something.

I haven't written anything regarding G because I had not yet felt that whatever it was that should be written had come to the fore of my mind and been approved by my heart.

The truth is, I don't want to lose him. I have begun to recognize what I had once forgot concerning the heartbreak I felt as a result of my inability to love. I had recorded on numerous occasions my concern that I did not know how to be loved. I realize now that knowing how to be loved is loving in return.

When A and I stood in the rain on the curbside waiting for J to pick us up from the library many years ago, and he fought his desire to give me his sweater, and I fought his desire to give me his sweater, I didn't know that if I had desired that night to show him that I loved him, all I had to do was take his sweater.

I'm worried tonight that I have not done enough to show G I care for him, because I didn't know that I did. I hope it isn't too late. I hope he hasn't given up on me.