Just Turn Around

I used to think it was easy for boys to ask girls out, because I've asked boys out and its nothing. Then I realized I ask out the boys who I've got nothing invested in. They're always nice. But, when I never see them again...its OK. I can always ask out some other nice guy the next week.

I've tried a couple of times this semester to ask boys to hang out with me...and I get nervous and say stupid things, and really, I think I'll never get over how difficult it is even, when I just want to get to know him, or think we'd make great friends, because

Its started to become important to me to be with people who make up my other half. And, that's kind of new to me. Sure, I've wanted a boyfriend. Every girl wants a boyfriend. But now, I need a boy to be a friend. Because, otherwise I feel like I'm lacking something important.

I've begun to reevaluate who it is I'm interested in. I've played the part of the friend who's there when the girl friend didn't work out. And, even though its OK-- I believe I'm done with that. I'm ready to step it up a notch and seek out the boy who's a man because he thinks I'm more important than that. I think, really, I'm looking for the quiet guy, who's confident, and secretly funny. The one the girls aren't chasing after, because they're still too stupid to see that its not about first impressions or charm or white sparkling teeth. I want the guy who's never kissed a girl, and not because he's never had the chance. I want the guy who takes a break from the social scene to make sure someone's there to help clean up the mess after a party or church bizarre. I've discovered the guy that I'm seeking isn't in the guys I've been seeking. No wonder I haven't hit the target. I've been aiming in the wrong direction.

Let me just turn myself around.