Shy is not an excuse, it's a swear word*

"You don't believe you had a difficult time in high school?"

"Well, no...well, I was shy from elementary school until...now," I replied.

"Being shy makes things difficult."

Being shy makes things difficult.

I wish it is was easier for me to be helpful and reciprocate friendly gestures.

Case in point (awkward years):
In seventh grade L.N. was walking to the library after school. So was I! He called out my name, showed me something he'd found, and asked me a question about it. I didn't know any answers, and I really liked that boy. So, of course I told him I didn't know. And, of course I took off walking a few feet ahead of him the entire way there.

Case in point (high school):
The summer after 11th grade I went to EFY. Some attractive Hispanic boy smiled at me the first day and told me to sit between he and his buddies on the couch. I...looked away and pretended not to hear.

Case in point (college graduate):
This weekend, I joined a boy I'd been on several dates with at a stake dance, on the dance floor, to prove to him that I didn't hate his guts. When he smiled in surprise, I noticed, but, I couldn't bring myself to look at him or smile back.

Wow, this is embarrassing.

I find it easier to get over myself, after being the victim of a girl talk pep rally. "Jordan, you are a 22 year old woman. You just go out there and get what you want."

These have proven to be highly effective.

On one occasion such a session convinced me to attend an event to see a friend I barely knew, alone. The night turned out alright. I impressed high school kids by eating cocoa at the Penny Royal with the band they idolized. But, not after attempting to parallel park for twenty minutes, right in front of the entryway, where everyone could see my inability to park, at all, ever; And, realizing, I wasn't the only one there to see this "friend". So, I took a back seat. And she took a front, until she finally left, and I accepted an invitation to eat the cocoa, at the cafe, where the high school boys who'd hit on me happened to follow. Thank heavens for cell phones. You can fake phone calls...and make real ones, however, unnecessary. I called my mom. We couldn't really hear each other. But she gave me another personal pep rally, and things seemed to work out alright.

I purposefully pointed out the potentially pompous. I don't dare devise a delicious dalmatian delight. (I know it makes no sense. I just really wanted to illiterate).

What I mean to say is, hey! What a wonderful kind of day for us to work and play (and quote theme songs from television series I never really got into).

What's the moral? If you friendly or thoughtful or funny or awesome, know that I know it. And wait for the post where I mention how much I appreciated it, but kind of forgot to know how to show you in an immediate sort of way.

THE END

P.S. I think we'd all be a little better off if we did a little more goal setting and a little less of whatever I just did. Goal Number 1! (The first of a list of many that does not exist): I will smile back at someone who smiles at me and not look away immediately, once every week.

*the sentiments shared in this post may or may not be entirely true or relevant. take them with a grain of salt, although, it seems one grain isn't worth much on its own. take them with a dash of salt and a lot of pepper, as pepper has no proven negative health effects.