What I Wish I Could Be Doing

I keep thinking, why am I not doing what I wish I was doing? Chances are the answer is, I never really have allowed myself to agree upon what it is I wish I was doing. If my relationship with B has taught me anything it has taught me this: Life happens one day at a time.

I notice more everyday that I have an extreme personality. I may be conservatively dressed, I may have never touched a man in my life (really, not even his arm), and darn it, I may have never even sworn (except for once). I have never spoken the words poo or pea out loud, never believed crude was akin to amusing, never watched an R rated movie, never had a drink of alcohol or coffee or tea, never went shopping on a Sunday...

I am an extremely conservative individual. And, as such, I have believed for all this time that I am definitely NOT extreme. But here I have subconsciously included extreme as the modifier for the brand of conservatism to which I subscribe.

...

"I have to go law school. I've always felt like I had to go to law school, until I realized that the life of a lawyer was not conducive to the life of a mother, and so I resigned to marry a politician. When things did not work out with A, I assumed I had given up my role as the wife of the President..."

"There you go again."

"What?"

"You're so extreme."

"How?"

"You think you have to go to law school or marry a lawyer to be involved--to know something about the government...Why don't you just read a book or something?"

I'm reading 5000 Year Leap. I enjoy it, however, I find that it's not exactly what I had hoped. I find I prefer primary sources to convoluted spinning. It's a simple read. I just despise it because Glenn Beck is an advocate. I hate Glenn Beck really.

But that is beside the point, look at me...I'm reading.

...

I quit my job (not the one you're thinking). Let me restate that: I quit my secondary job. I did it months ago really, but just now they've found a replacement. They're letting me go, but, of course, before they did officially, they asked me one last time if I would reconsider. I did. And, then I realized that the job was not going to bring me any closer to doing what I wish I could be doing.

So, I'll occupy my time with something a little more suitable. I have a few ideas, as to what that something will be. I'll take things one day at a time, and then, I'll let you know if someday, I find I'm doing it--what I wish I could be doing.